my new project
is emotional

but i have been sinking
into reading
trueblood

i started dead as a door nail yesterday
an im about 3/4's of my way through

not been getting much sleep
not been doing much of anything

sinking myself into my project
then
running an hiding from it

im not sure if i wanna be an artist
i dont know what i want

i cant keep denying that
i long to not be alone

but i cant keep denying that
i am shit scared
of letting anyone close

but this project
is helping me to see why

but i know why
u know why

people get close
i let them in a little
then push them on their arse
shoving them so hard
away from me

i cant keep treating people like that
i cant keep being so selfish

because maybe
one day
someone will need something from me

but just coz they might need something of me
does that mean i have to give it to them

because right now
i have a lot of people i love
needing stuff from me

an it just makes me feel
frightened