last night when i got home
i cried for ages

i must admit that i felt lonely
so alone in the world
having to deal with everything by myself

but..

its my choice isnt it?
i keep everyone at arms length.
you cant decide to keep everyone at arms length
then whinge when theres no one there to cuddle you.

the thing is
i dont need looking after
i dont need someone
coz if i had someone here 24/7
i would get so pist off

then i started thinking about why i ring my ex
when im in a emergency
well.
they are his kids and if i cant look after them
he needs to
an just by shouting at me
its not going to stop me forcing him to take responabilty

also
i ring him
he gets mad
i hang up
wait
then try again

an this process goes on until hes calm an see thats hes being an arse
i never ask him to do anything thats unreasonable
im not awkward
or a bitch

then i started thinking about
why do i find it easier to take pure nasty abuse off him
an i find it so hard when people are nice to me

its like

i know where i stand with him

its easy

i know whats going to happen..
i know how much he hates me
i know he despises me

i know where i stand...

its simple